Just like any other person, I had my fantasies. I’d always day dream about how beautiful my marriage will be. I already wrote down my criteria and was just waiting for the perfect man for me.
Did I tell you my criteria? I’m sure you already know! Handsome of course (I am a beautiful lady so what do you expect?), rich, fashionable, intelligent and any other nice thing you can imagine. (shebi I told you I was like any other person). I often didn’t even ask the Holyspirit for direction as long as the guy meets my standards.
Years passed and all I got were heart breaks. I prayed (since I was thirteen), kept my standards, dressed up nicely and kept a friendly face, read books, sowed seeds (Pastor cannot even describe a beautiful home in peace I’ll sow and go straight to the altar) and attended relationship seminars but nothing changed. Something was certainly wrong somewhere or what do you think? Well, I finally gave up on trying (I didn’t have a choice. I was tired)! I was actually grateful to God for saving me from relationships that I put myself into sha.
After my last relationship, I didn’t even have the strength to enter any relationship. I just wanted to enjoy myself because it had been long since I was single (I always had a substitute for any guy before breaking up; sharp girl now!) I wanted to enjoy my singleness and fellowship with God. I travelled, prayed, took myself out and didn’t even want any disturbances from any man (singleness sweet sha because I enjoyed it)! It was during this period that God told me somethings I didn’t quite like but it was God what can I do?
Four months into my singleness, I met a doctor guy who was all nice, smart and dashing but I wasn’t ready to give up the freedom I enjoyed and most importantly I remembered what God told me was my problem; MY CRITERIA! I wanted anything that glittered and I attracted deceptive people (“players” as we call unserious flirts”). So, I decided to listen this time and I told him NO! (trust me, it didn’t feel very good). I didn’t even know what to set as my criteria anymore. I just let God.
Meanwhile, I had this brother who would always stare at me in church. He is tall, black and handsome but he didn’t quite look “eye catching” like I like my guys to be (I really wanted my life to be enviable since I didn’t grow up from a rich background, I wanted to change that). He would always sit beside me in church and stare without saying a word. He would stare so obviously and get me very uncomfortable (sometimes I changed my seat because of that). I didn’t give him any thoughts because he looked just okay (nothing special). One day he said hello to me and we got talking (he happened to know my friend). I asked him to stop staring and we exchanged contact. (I didn’t stop praying for my marriage even when I wasn’t in any relationship).
He wasn’t exactly my fantasy but I felt very comfortable around him. He was just simple but had a touch of perfection. I ran back to God and told him how I felt (I asked Him for His opinion). God said it is HE! I heard it clearly so when he asked me out, I just did small shakara before saying yes (I cannot come and send him away). The way he asked me out self was like a marriage proposal, he was like “I would love to spend the rest of my life with you, can you give me a chance to convince you”?
Coming back to the relationship after months of freedom wasn’t quite easy but I knew it was for the best! He turned out to be God-fearing, simple, supportive, innovative, focused, gentle, romantic (I cannot finish mentioning his good qualities today woo). I was my best version whenever I was with him. I even discovered some of my hidden abilities and talents because of him. He wasn’t perfect but was willing to be at his best and guess what? He was doing great financially too (he didn’t want to show). I remember he told me the first time he saw me was one of the days I went to the altar to pray after my seed sowing process (my seeds weren’t in vain after all)!
Fast forward to six months later, he went to see my people to seek their consent (when God says it’s your time, it will happen). We had to adjust the time frame he gave because we were not ready as a family financially (we Northerners have a very big responsibility on the bride’s side). But God showed up and everything was ready… I got married after one year seven months of courtship to my pearl, my very own husband (I no marry anybody own), my comedian, best friend, companion dancer and much more.
I will always be married to this man as long as I live. We had a simple but beautiful wedding too (my husband likes simple things remember?) And I am certain my marriage will continue to be blissful because God told me so! And I must remember to tell you importantly that reality is sweeter than I imagined it to be. Trust in the lord with all thine heart and lean not on your understanding!
Mrs Barkati Victor.